Wednesday, July 22, 2015

hospice

where do i begin? we've only been back in seattle for 10 days, but the kids and i are heading back to minneapolis tomorrow already. two weeks after starting his new immunotherapy drug, my dad has been told that his white blood cell count is too low to continue on the drug. there is only one thing left to do...

my dad is transitioning to hospice care

the original plan was to do home hospice, but last night he ended up in the emergency room with a urinary tract infection, which is very dangerous considering his low blood cell count. they have stabilized him, but the new plan once he is discharged is for him to go to a hospice center. 

i know i've had almost 3 years to prepare for this, but there is not enough time in the world to prepare for this. to have to stop dreaming of possible miracles and medical advances. to face the reality that very soon i will have to say good bye to my dad. 

i'm trying to stay positive. to be thankful for the past 2 years and 9 months we've had to soak in his physical presence like never before. to remember that death is part of life and we don't get to choose how or when we go and we are lucky that we get the privilege of saying good bye because many people do not. to keep in mind that he lived such a good life and accomplished so much in his (almost) 60 years and he will always be with me. 

but it sucks. it really really sucks. 

my dad is a manager, a fixer, a make everything better-er. this is the one thing he cannot fix. and i know it's hard for him to accept. for all of us to accept when he normally manages the crap out of everything life throws at him. but it is what it is. 

and we will spend the rest of his days showing him how much he means to us. i know i can't ever repay him for the support he has given me, but i can sure try. 

and with that, i will wrap this up as i can barely see the screen through my tears. thanks for reading and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. i appreciate it more than i can express. 

11 comments:

Becky said...

I read this outloud to Jeromy, and am crying right along with you friend.
I know nothing I can say can take away the pain of it all, but know this...you are blanketed in prayer in love. Not just by me, but by the many family and friends who love you like I do.
Hugs and many more hugs.

Kris said...

Oh Melissa, I'm so very sorry. I'll be praying for you, for him, for all who know and love him. Your dad is so wonderful. If there's anything I can do... Watch the kids, bring a meal, whatever, please text. I don't have any plans for the weekend and am working from home the next two days. Love you!!

Diana said...

I second Becky's statement. While it won't take the pain away, I hope that the love and support you have from all of us will ease your sorrow, even if just the tiniest bit. Sending so much love and hugs your way!

Bridget said...

I am so sorry Melissa. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult new journey

Meg @ Mr.C and Me said...

So sorry to hear this news and will be thinking about you and your family. I hope all of the good memories will comfort you and that there are a few more special ones still to come. Much love. xx

Miss Jewells said...

Melissa I don't even know where to begin. I am so sorry to hear this news, and will be thinking of and praying for your family during this painful time. You're right - there is never enough time in the world - to prepare, to savor every minute with each other, to say goodbye. Sending hugs your way.

Missy said...

I am so sad to hear this. I truly hope you are able to surround your dad with love and find peace. It's not something that is ever easy, but I find nothing in life is really ever easy. You roll with it and make the best of it, but you are allowed to think it SUCKS. Cherish the man your father is and will always be in your heart. We'll be thinking of you guys. Let us know if you need anything at all.

Brittany said...

Melissa I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine what you can going through but I know it's really difficult. I hope you are able to enjoy your time with him while you here and make a few more good memories. Praying for your family.

Jackie and Tom said...

Oh Melissa, my heart just breaks for you. Sending many hugs and much love your way. Praying for you and your family for comfort in such a terribly hard time.

Kelly B. said...

Oh Melissa, I'm so sorry to read this. You're right- you can tell yourself all those things but nothing can prepare you for it. I will pray for quality time together and strength for your family. I hope you experience the love of your community and family and friends like we did when we lost my mom. It help so much.

ajs {of MN} said...

my heart hurts for you in this difficult time, thinking about you and sending more strength vibes!

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