covid: one year ago

 one year ago our lives were turned upside down with the arrival of covid. for over a month we had been hearing about a novel virus that originated in china and it was starting to be a concern in the u.s. the first documented cases were right here in our own backyard (kirkland, wa), so i think it was talked about here before many places in this country. the first week of march, we were on alert because there was talk of shutting down school and people working from home, but the governor continued to assure us there wasn't a need to do that (yet). 

then on march 11th, they announced the shutdown of school. i picked up the kids at the end of the day (it was a wednesday) and we awkwardly said "see ya later" to teachers and friends. thatcher had begun working from home at the recommendation of his employer. first they told us school would close for 2 weeks to help stop the spread. the next day they told us it would actually be closed for 6 weeks and we all thought "how will we survive that?" it makes me laugh to think about it now. we were so naive. there was no "distance learning" curriculum in place. the teachers planned random meetings here or there on zoom and emailed some worksheets, but otherwise i was coming up with what the kids should do during the day to keep up the learning. talk about daunting. i remember people talking about how there could be no in-person school for the rest of the year and that the following school year might start remotely and i thought they were nuts. how could that possibly happen?

no one was wearing masks yet (because the government foolishly told us not to), but the store shelves were getting bare - especially the toilet paper aisle ;) we stocked up on groceries in anticipation of limiting our future trips out. i remember buying lots of frozen bags of food. we did a lot of grocery pick up for the first couple months.

at the end of march, thatcher and i both had covid symptoms about a week apart (except for loss of taste and smell). they would not test us because we weren't considered high risk. we both endured a week plus of fever, aches, chills, headache and cough. it was scary. neither of us slept well because were worrying about the worst case scenarios. we will never know if we had it or not, but i think we did. the kids never got sick, which was a relief. i'm thankful we didn't have any lingering symptoms.

we haven't been on a plane in over year, but we've done some road trips at least. we have barely set foot in anyone else's house or had anyone in ours for an entire year. and we moved to a new house during the pandemic. i've been to a restaurant to dine outside only 2 times in the past year. i had to miss my cousin's pared down wedding last fall. we haven't been able to go to a movie theater or indoor play place.

a year in, thatcher is still working from home. the kids are still doing remote school. there is no end in sight for distance learning (though this school year has gone infinitely better than i thought it would). seattle public schools proposed sending back kindergarten and 1st graders for 2 days/wk this month, but the negotiations with the teachers union have been extremely heated and i don't see it happening at all this school year. there's even talk of not having a normal school year next year here, which blows my mind. but i guess nothing should surprise me anymore. 

i don't even remember what it's like to have time to myself during the day while the kids were at school. i used to do my book keeping work, go to the gym, go shopping, clean the house. the only breaks i get now are to shower, go to the grocery store a few times a week, etc. there's no real opportunity to take a breather from parenting. almost every day is the same and it gets grueling. thatcher and i are not only managing our own emotions during the pandemic, but also shouldering those of our kids as well. 

on paper everything is "fine" for us - we're healthy, have good jobs, can support the kids with their online learning, etc but many days still feels so heavy. it can be really hard to hear people say things like "this year is the best thing to ever happen to my family. my kids have never been closer. my husband and i have never been closer." and you start to wonder what you're doing wrong when your kids fight 87% of the time and you and your husband could use a healthy break from each other ;) 

for the past year, washington has had some of the strictest covid regulations in the country. i will never regret the effort we have all put into saving lives because that is the most important thing, but it is hard to wear a mask every moment you are out of the house (even in your yard with neighbors), to not hug friends, to do remote schooling day after day, to be told any person you pass on the sidewalk might infect you if they breath on you. meanwhile people in other parts of the country have been living life as normal for months. it's frustrating in a lot of ways. 

the vaccines are the saving grace in all of this, a path to normalcy. i know covid will never go away, but if enough people get vaccinated, we can get the rates super low so it's not such a disruption to life any more. i'm glad that high-risk people (especially our parents) are getting vaccinated by the millions right now and i look forward to the day it will be my turn. 

we will get through this...but i can't believe it's been a year. over 500,000 people have lost their lives in the u.s. hopefully years from now i will look back and not remember the stress and frustrations of our year+ at home, but rather the gift of time we got to have together. but right now i'm ready to be done...