threenager status

you guys...age three is tough. i mean, i knew it was coming, but it's even harder than i imagined. everyone says "3 is worse than 2" and it is so true. tantrums at age 2 were a walk in the park compared to what is being thrown at us daily by our little threenager. to give you an idea: 

screaming in my face loud and shrill enough to practically break glass

hitting us if she doesn't get her way

crying hysterically about everything 

wanting to dictate and control everything 

ignoring anything we ask her to do

talking back 

throwing toys and other things when she doesn't get her way

freaking out and refusing to do routine tasks like getting dressed, going to the bathroom, brushing teeth, etc. 

these outbursts are happening easily a dozen times a day and it. is. exhausting. i know she is trying to assert herself, be independent, and test the limits, but holy cow is it hard to stay calm in the heat of the moment. so what we are doing (or trying to do) to help her control her emotions and impulses?

attempting to talk her down from the ledge when she starts to go down that road

picking our battles (i'm not expecting perfect behavior by any means) 

giving hugs and kisses (so she always knows we love her) 

yelling (i don't want to be that mom, but we all get to the end of our rope sometimes) 

ignoring bad behavior (which seems to make her more mad) 

praising good behavior (which sometimes causes her to start up a tantrum - i'm not even kidding)

giving her choices to make her feel she is in control (dressing herself, choosing her plate, etc) 

giving her one on one time (playing candy land, puzzles, etc) 

warnings and timeouts (sometimes it feels like 50/day) 

many days i feel like absolutely nothing, nothing is working, and that i have zero control over the way she behaves. i start worrying that she is going to act like this forever. i know that's not going to be the case, but she is one stubborn, strong-willed girl. we are trying to concentrate on staying calm (vs. yelling) when she gets our blood boiling because all that does is amp her up even more, following through on warnings (no empty threats), which means we often have to punish ourselves too (for example abandoning a trip out for pizza halfway there because of numerous warnings to stop kicking and screaming about nothing). let's be honest, having to punish ourselves just plain sucks :) 

exhibit a: last week i took both kids to ashford's 6 month appointment by myself. maybe that was dumb of me, but azalea was excited to go and i thought she'd do fine with her snack and stuff to color and books to look at. and she did.....that is until the doctor came in and the attention wasn't on her anymore. (azalea generally struggles with me talking to another adult). she started completely melting down because: she didn't want the snack i brought for her, she didn't want to color or read, she wanted to go look at the fish in the waiting room, she "had to pee" (i took her all the way to the bathroom screaming her head off just to have her turn around and say "i not have to pee." stinker) we get back in the room and the melt down escalates to her screaming in my face, rolling on the floor kicking, trying to escape the room, and hitting me repeatedly when i wouldn't let her out the door. the doctor was trying to distract her with fun toys (and a couple nurses heard the racket and came in and tried to help too) and she freaked out at them too. and at that moment.....i just burst into tears! i was so embarrassed by the way she was acting and was feeling like a total failure of a mom because she was being such a monster and there was nothing i could do to stop it. 

the doctor felt really bad, assured me i'm doing everything right, that this is just a hard age and some kids are simply more difficult than others (ummm yep!). she said 3 is especially frustrating because you know they understand what is expected of them, but they act out anyway. over and over. she said the best thing to do is to just ignore it, (which we've tried, but doesn't usually work). i think time and consistency are the only things that will make this better.  

this is getting long, but i don't want to end on a bad note. so here are some things i am thankful for: 

she generally only acts this way towards thatcher and me. not that it's fun, but both sets of grandparents say she rarely throws any tantrums when they watch her, which is nice to hear. 

she is healthy. 

when she is happy, she is really happy and sweet! 

she is funny. 

she is smart. 

she gives me the utmost appreciation for my own parents. 

she doesn't hold a grudge.....2 minutes after a tantrum she's happy to give me a hug or snuggle and then play. 

tell me we will survive....somehow :)