Friday, June 10, 2011

baby hates yoga

i've been doing yoga classes for a year or two with my neighbor rebekah. i started going to a regular studio before i was pregnant and continued there through most of my pregnancy (using modifications for many of the poses to accommodate my ginormous belly) :) a few months ago, a teacher there recommended that i check out a yoga studio nearby that specializes in pre-natal yoga and gave me a coupon for a free class, so i figured why not? i went to a class and really enjoyed it. it was fun to be around so many pregnant woman and not feel so awkward in class. immediately following the class was a baby and mom yoga class. the waiting room was filled with cute little babies (and their cute little moms, to be honest!). i knew i wanted to come back with my baby in a few months and check it out. i forgot about it until a few days ago.

i was looking through our chinook book and found a coupon for a free class at the pre-natal studio, so i signed up for the byob (bring your own baby) yoga class. azalea and i showed up along with about 8-10 other moms with their babies. i had never been around so many babies before. they ranged in age from 1 mo to 4 mos, so azalea was sort of in the middle. we laid out our mats with a blanket at the end for baby to lay on. i laid azalea on her back and she was all smiles as we went around the room and introduced ourselves and our babies to the group. that's where the fun ended. as soon as the actual yoga started (bonding with baby through touch, sound, etc) azalea started crying. i figured it was because she wasn't being bounced, so i picked her up and bounced her in her happy position. no luck. she proceeded to cry through most of the class. i checked her diaper (dry) and it had only been about an hour since she had eaten. i tried numerous times to jump back into the exercises with her, but she screamed every time i put her back down. i started to get a little embarrassed. all the other babies seemed blissed out, cooing and smiling at their moms...but not my little stinker :) she absolutely hated everything about it. now, i know i shouldn't be embarrassed. a few other babies did fuss and the teacher was very laid back about us feeding or changing our baby at any time. 

i knew a bottle would calm her down, but i was trying to avoid busting out the formula container and mixing up a bottle in front of all of these breastfeeding moms. i know i shouldn't be ashamed...but sometimes i can't help it. there's nothing wrong with formula, it's just not how i imagined i would be feeding her at 2 months old. finally after she cried for quite a while, i bit the bullet and mixed up her bottle. of course that calmed her down. at the end of any yoga session, you do something called "final savasana" where you lay down and relax and clear your mind. so, we all laid down with our babies. i kept feeding azalea her bottle while we laid there. many moms breastfed their babies. all of a sudden i was overcome by my emotions. i wanted so badly to be breastfeeding her like all the other moms were. most days i'm completely fine with our routine of pumping and bottle feeding, but every once in a while it gets to me. yesterday was one of those days.

while azalea was not a fan of the class and i was busy being emotional, we did meet some new friends there! a girl named carolina was there for the first time with her 4 month old daughter. we chatted before and after the class and decided to exchange numbers and get together with the babies soon. pickin' up fellow moms at the yoga studio...who knew? 


jss said...

Oh Melissa, I just wanna give you a hug. I'm so sorry that you aren't able to feed Azalea the way you want to. But feeding her the way you feed her is what is best for her. Just know that. You didn't fight her or starve her just so that you could do what you wanted to do. You were a good mama and you did what SHE needed you to do in order to get food. And no one should EVER judge you for feeding her formula so I hope you don't ever have to feel anyone's judgmental stares. You are absolutely doing what is best for that little girl. Know that.

And you know what? Just because breastfeeding hasn't worked out with Azalea doesn't mean it won't work out with the next one. You can still have a chance at a great nursing relationship with another child. All is not lost. Right now, though, you just keep being a GREAT mama to Azalea.

Cedar said...

Try not to feel bad about the bottle, or about the formula. You have a happy (well, when not doing yoga!) and healthy baby, and that's what matters. Azalea doesn't care how she gets her milk, and she's still getting tons of cuddle time with you. I'm sure many of the other mothers there use formula some of the times (maybe even all of the time), too, and most aren't judging other parents. They're too busy just trying to get through the day themselves! (and some of those breast-only mothers are probably wishing that their babies would accept a bottle!)

That said, have you tried seeing if she'll give breastfeeding another chance? Not as the primary source of food, but just as a supplement? If you haven't tried for awhile you might find that she'll latch on this time. Worth a try, anyway, if it makes you feel better.

Regardless of what happens, it's really amazing that you've been able to keep pumping this much and for this long -- pumping is a major hassle, so you should be really proud of yourself! She's getting the health benefits of breast milk (who cares if it's in bottle form?) and there's nothing wrong with using formula. It doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing kind of thing. You're both doing a great job!

Missy at the Marketing Mama said...

Ah, so wonderful you take this class with her... and I can totally see why you were overcome with emotion in that moment.

I randomly found your blog by following a link and saw you have my blog on your sidebar. Thank you so much. Happy to "meet" you here. :)


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