a letter

dear baby girl,

i've been thinking about writing you a letter for...the last 9 months. but the thing is, every time i try, i can't seem to put my thoughts into words. i want you to have this when you are older, so you will know what is going through my mind as your dad and i (im)patiently await your arrival and most of all, how much we love you. every week on this blog i talk about what we've been up to, how i'm feeling, how big you are, etc. but i never really talk directly to you. 

i have to say, carrying you these last 9 months is by far the coolest thing i've ever done. to think you grew from a tiny little bunch of cells to a full-size baby inside of me is incredible. i've tried my hardest not to worry about you too much and to trust that you are healthy in there. after all, only so much of it is in my control. now that we've made it to full term, it's the hugest relief knowing that you are big enough, and developed enough to come out anytime. i feel like i know you so well,  even though i haven't even met you yet - your movements, your little hands and feet as they press into the front of my belly, your hiccups. i can't wait to see what you look like. will you look more like me, like your dad, or a combination of both of us? i'm getting pretty uncomfortable these days since you are so big, but i would do this again 100 times. you don't officially have a name yet, but we're pretty close to deciding. i can't wait to share it with everyone, since we've kept it a secret all this time. 

we are so ready to meet you. you have a cute, cozy room just waiting for you. thanks to our generous friends and family, you have more clothes than you will ever be able to wear - lots of pink, so i really hope you actually are a girl. :) you have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and a cousin that can't wait to meet you! you are already so loved. 

your dad and i are a little bit nervous about bringing you home, but i know that's normal. we just want to do the best job possible with you. your dad tells me all the time how much he loves you and how excited he is for you to come. it makes me melt. he doesn't have much experience with babies, so i hope you don't scare him too much :) since i've been the one carrying you, i sometimes feel like i'm hogging you and have gotten to know you better than he has been able to, but i know that will change once you get here. he's never hid the fact that he wants a little girl and i know you and he are going to have so much fun together. he can't wait to dance around the house with you, make up silly songs, and for the two of you to gang up on me when i roll my eyes. 

i'm going to try my hardest to savor these last few weeks before you get here (as much as i can when nature is working it's hardest to make me want you out). once you are born, i will no longer be able to feel your every move and have you all to myself. things are going to be challenging at first as we get to know each other, but i hope you will always know that we want what's best for you and would do anything to protect you. we love you, baby girl. we'll see you very soon!

love,

your mom