Wednesday, August 17, 2016

mid week thoughts

- my grandma's funeral was on monday. not being able to be there for it hit me harder than i expected. i feel like i have not had any closure whatsoever with her death. i mentioned i had not seen her since 2012, i also had not talked to her on the phone in a couple months because i let life get in the way, something i am not proud of :( you know that whole thing about not waiting to tell people you love them, etc? it's so true. i'm also struggling with the reminder that she out-lived her two sons. they should be here with their sisters to grieve her death. it's just not fair. it will take some time for my heart to heal from this one, but that's the price we pay in life for having people we love and who love us. and it's so worth it. in happier news, i am so excited because i just booked a flight to go out there (by myself) to see my extended family in mid november. i was so sad to miss the funeral, but it was much easier logistically and financially to plan for a weekend visit in the future.

grandma gin and 14 month old azalea in nj in 2012

- kelli's bachelorette weekend that i've been planning for months is just days away (finally!!). i have been looking forward to this kid-free weekend forever! the longest i have been away from my kids in the last year is maybe an 8 hour stretch once or twice, so the idea of an entire weekend break from mom-duty pretty much blows my mind. of course i will miss them, but they will have lots of fun with thatcher and hopefully i will return feeling refreshed. i need to finish packing and shop for a few last minute things and then i will be ready to roll! 

one of the wineries we are going to visit in woodinville. so pretty!

- the day after the bachelorette weekend, azalea starts kindergarten "jumpstart." it's a week long program at her elementary school from 9-12 every day for the kids to get to know the school, their potential classmates, and potential teachers. i say potential because they use this week to get to know the kids to form the classrooms, which i think is awesome. they are the only ones at the school during this week, which is nice. the down side is, actual kindergarten doesn't start until 9/12, so that's quite a long time in between. after telling everyone for months how excited (and not sad) i am for azalea to go to kindergarten...i have to admit a little bit of anxiety is starting to creep in. mostly anxiety that i will be blindsided by how much i miss her, that she won't like it as much as i think she will, etc. we shall see when the day comes. the kids' fighting drives me batty, but i know this is going to be a huge adjustment for ashford as well. 

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